Sunday, July 30, 2006

Hunt for the Reffitt Swamp Monster - Part 3

Professor Fether here. What day is it? Sunday...SUNDAY? I've lost a whole week! Let me go back a bit. Back to right after the last post, the audio post. Here's what happened....

I re-entered Uncle Ray's house. Ray and Tarr were seated in Ray's "Recreation Room." (I'll post a picture of that in a future blog. The room is a story unto itself.) Uncle Ray handed me a small opaque glass filled with a dark, viscous liquid.

"Drink this," he said, holding the glass in front of him. I took it.

"What's in it?" I asked.

"Don't ask," Tarr said as he scrunched up his nose. "It doesn't taste bad, though. Actually quite good. I feel good. Just after one drink. I feel good. Do you remember how Jack Burton felt in "Big Trouble in Little China" after he took the elixer? Heh heh!"

I took the brew and quickly downed it. I opened my eyes. Hmm. It did indeed taste good. It had an earthy taste with a hint of sweetness. Very refreshing.

"So, what's it supposed to do, Uncle Ray?" I asked.

Uncle Ray grinned. It was very maniacal. I was impressed.

"Oh, it's a little potion's bin in mah fambly fer lottsa yers," he said between chuckles and snorts. "It ain't nothin' more'n a bitsy brew to help us through the comin' times. It ain't gonna harm ya none. Trust me!" He clucked like a chicken. This immediately ingratiated him to me. I did notice Tarr shrink back and curl his lip at that. We all know how Tarr feels about chickens.

We gathered our equipment. I was indeed starting to feel very good. A bit dizzy but I've been there before, so it was no big thing. Tarr had the camera. Click click. I had the binoculars. (I was going to see the Reffitt Swamp up close and personal. The way I felt I would probably be able to smell the creature.) Uncle Ray had his shotgun. Bang bang.

We exited Uncle Rays' abode. I was in the lead. I was rarin' to go, as Uncle Ray would say.

"Swamy, here we come!" I practically shouted. Or I think I did. Even though everything seemed to be bright and vibrant and alive, it was also blurry and lacking in detail. I vaguely remember thinking, "That brew of Ray's is messin' with my brain." About that time I forgot what I thinking about just as we emerged into the sunlight.

Standing there, almost blocking the path, was a lovely young woman, a stranger to Tarr and me. Uncle Ray introduced her to us as his "special friend Missy." He said she liked flowers a whole lot. He suggested Missy go out into the woods to find some pretty flowers. Missy, who seemed a few kernals shy of a whole ear of corn, trotted off -- yes, she trotted -- to change her clothes.

About this time things get even more fuzzy. I tried to speak but could only laugh. Tarr and Uncle Ray were also laughing so I figured everything must be okay if we're all laughing.



We traveled for quite some time. I remember small lakes, cattails, rushes, croaking frogs. And the Reffitt Swamp Monster. Tarr even managed to get a few pictures of him. None are very good. I suspect he took them with his bad eye. The potion we had so rashly imbibed no doubt made him think his bad eye was now even better than his good one since it stuck out farther.

I remember lots of trees. And glimpses of the monster. And dizziness....and...I can't remember any more. At some point in the woods everything became part of a strange dream. Perhaps more will be revealed -- some day...

We did accomplish our goal. We found the Reffitt Swamp Monster. And we did get a few pictures of it, although they aren't of the highest quality. There was something, though, something disturbing, even for me, that happened. I wish I could remember what it was. I have asked Tarr about the whole affair. He refuses to say anything. He does laugh to himself a lot. I suspect he knows something, or remembers something, that I don't. Perhaps he'll share his thoughts with me on this subject some day.

This is a very tired Professor Fether signing off. Time to get some sleep.

Pleasant dreams, Fellow Inmates. Pleasant dreams. Mine certainly aren't these days...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Hunt for the Reffitt Swamp Monster-Part 1

Well, Fellow Inmates, the trip of the summer is almost upon us. Yes, I'm talking about our expedition to the wilds of central Ohio where we are going to look for the Reffitt Swamp monster. Our guide is none other than Uncle Ray. Ray has had the pleasure of seeing the Reffitt Swamp Monster a number of times. He assures us he can lead us to it so we can get it on film -- something that has never happened. It's a very elusive creature.

We are leaving tomorrow afternoon and hope to arrive at Uncle Ray's around 5:00pm. He has promised to show us a good time while in his neck of the woods. Which is not too far from Mt. Vernon, Ohio. We're wondering exactly what he means by "a good time." Uncle Ray, you see, is quite insane. Well, yes, we know what you're thinking. Who else would Tarr and Fether hang out with but others who are as crazy as they are. Oh, wait a minute, we're not really crazy. That was a...a joke. Yeah, that was a joke. Actually Uncle Ray is a bone fide Big Game tracker. Yeah. Retired now. And living in the wilds of central Ohio. Well, okay, that does sound a bit far fetched, doesn't it? Well, every word of it is true, my friends. Every word.

Anyway, I'm going keep up this blog while on the trip. So stay tuned. . . and stay sick! (Ah, just had to pay that bit of a tribute to the one and only Ghoulardi...)

P. Fether

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Syd Barrett - The Passing of a Legend


A sad note today as I learned that Roger Keith "Syd" Barrett, the co-founder of one of the best and most influential rock groups ever, Pink Floyd, has died at age 60. Syd was one of the most influential guitarists/composers to grace the rock and roll world. His style and vision were truly unique and inspired a whole genre of music known as Electronic or Space music. He co-founded Pink Floyd with Roger Waters in the early sixties and wrote 10 of the 11 songs on their first album. His erratic behavior, caused by a history of mental problems exascerbated by psychelic drugs (especially LSD) let to his eventual mental disintegration. The band was forced to replace him with David Gilmour, who went on to become another seminal rock legend and major influence on the world of rock and roll. Syd spent most of his time after being removed from the band in mental institutions, and, eventually, living the life of a recluse at his mother's home where he continued to write, compose and paint huge abstract paintings.

My personal favorite Pink Floyd songs by Syd are "Interstellar Overdrive", "Careful With That Axe, Eugene" and "Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun." My all-time favorite Pink Floyd song "Astronomy Domine" was written by Syd Barrett.

Syd may be gone but his music will play on forever.

Professor Fether

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Movie for the 4th


In celebration of the birthday of the good ol' U.S. of A., Tarr and I are going to watch THE GIANT GILA MONSTER. This movie was made in 1959 and shot in black and white. It was written and directed by Ray Kellogg, who also did THE KILLER SHREWS (aka ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHREWS) in that same year. What a work horse! Heh heh! Hey, he also was a second unit director on lots of movies, including BATMAN: THE MOVE in 1966. This is one of our favorite bad movies, so this guy knew what he was doin'! This movie stars Don Sullivan (also did TEENAGE ZOMBIES - 1959, THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS - 1959, and CURSE OF THE UNDEAD - 1959), and a bunch of other actors who never amounted to much in the fickle world of B movies.

Tagline - Only Hell could breed such an enormous beast. Only God could destroy it!

So, this movie's about a giant lizard that runs rampant in a rural Texas community. There's lots of teen angst, hot rods, wire-frame bras and rock and roll to keep things movin' when the giant lizard isn't on the screen.

We're gonna watch this movie as presented by our very good friends THE BONE JANGLER and NOCTURNA. They are horror hosts Supreme who manage to make even this stinkbomb enjoyable.

Happy 4th to all our Fellow Inmates.

Oh, so why this movie on the 4th? Well, um, because it's hot on the 4th, and, um, it's hot in Texas. Hey, that's as good a reason as any.

LET THE OPERATION BEGIN!