Saturday, February 10, 2007

Spies, Rabbits and the Missing Tarr


Hoi, Fellow Inmates, it's time for another episode of Psycho Cinema. This episode is SPIES A GO-GO, also known as NASTY RABBIT. It's a real humdinger, let me tell ya. Hey, we did manage to add our own bits of insanity and humor to the movie so it's not all bad. It's stars Arch Hall Jr., one of our favorite teen heart throbs of the 1960s. Made in 1964, it's a spy spoof that actually has some moments of mirth in it. Go figure! Anyway, come on over to the FEED and get ready to laugh your paws off.

Now, back to the Search for Dr. Tarr. I am still wandering through the maze of tunnels, rooms and caves below the Asylum. I have several more clues leading me to believe Tarr is somewhere down here. I'll give a more detailed update later. Right now I'm quite tired and need to rest. I am also out of food. There are plenty of mushrooms growing down here, though. I supposed I shall have to eat a few to keep up my strength. I believe the purple ones are safe. We shall see.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

SPIDER BABIES and the SEARCH FOR DR. TARR

FETHER HERE. Another episode of PSYCHO CINEMA is in the air. A brief respite from reality. A journey into a fictitious world where there will be a beginning and and end.

I am wandering through the labyrinth below the Asylum. I started a few days ago. I equipped myself and began the search for Tarr.

I started on the uppermost level, designated Upper Level Three This is where the extreme patients are housed. Caged is a far better word. These are creatures whose sole (soul?) purpose is to destroy all others. Tarr and I have done some interesting experiments with a few of these Inmates. They are quite troublesome, though, as they are far more often sedated than not. We do prefer the ones who seem to be content with reality no matter what that reality is. But I digress. I looked into every cell. No Tarr. (He does often enter a cell and cohabit with that cell's Inmate, sometimes for days at a time.)

Nurse Feratu quickly checked Upper Level Two. This is the Commons. Here is housed seventy-five patients, all deemed non-violent submissives. This is a communal area: dormitory-style sleeping quarters, open area bathing facilities, several restraint cells (yes, even these patients occasionally need to be restrained). No Dr. Tarr.

We checked Level One. This level includes the reception area, the kitchen, and several rooms devoted to either laboratory work or operating rooms. The room with The Chair is located near the back of the building. This is one of Tarr's favorite places to go when he's bored. Okay, me too. We know a good thing when we find one! Nothing. No Tarr.

Next came Sub Level One, or the basement. This is primarily storage for such items that can be used on short notice. It also houses the power plant of the Asylum. I stopped and broke bread with Ted, the Chief Engineer. Ted is a large fellow, quite hirsute, surely and a man of few words. A good leader. Knows how to keep the workers in step with our Program. The Room of Discipline is also on this level.There are thirty-three rooms to search. It takes Nurse Feratu and I several hours to go through this area. Nothing.

Sub Level Two. Nurse Feratu and I part at the steps leading down. She will be in charge of the Asylum above while I search down here. Luckily I have a companion: Socko. Neither of us really wants to venture into the depths below the Asylum. We've both been down here before. After you get so far, it's not very pleasant. There are places where OLD INMATES dwell. And...things that have no semblance to humanity. Animals. Proto-volves, aka Hybrids. Subjects of strange experiments, many of which are considered failures. Some are quite violent and unreasoning. Dangerous. Oddly enough, I find myself in a somewhat exhilarated state. Adreneline courses through me. Oh yes. That feels good. That is a feeling I haven't had in quite some time. The thrill of THE HUNT comes back to me.

Sub Level Two marks the beginning of the "partially finished" area of the Asylum. It's construction is crude but sturdy, made from stone and mortar. Meant to last forever. It's as if to say "it doesn't matter what happens above this point. All is not lost." This area consists of small rooms that are completely devoid of content. These rooms are made completely out of stone and mortar. Fireproof. Thick enough to withstand indirect explosions with impunity. Very ingenious. Easy to search. No Tarr. Ah, but now the story changes. At the entrance to Sub Level Three, I find a clue. Tarr has scratched his name into the wall along with the date: 1/20/07. Yes. Tarr has ventured down into the depths below the Asylum. This obvious clue is puzzling. I think he has unconsciously realized that this time he's goin to need some help. I continue on.

Sub Level Three consists of a series of roughly carved tunnels and rooms. Each room has a heavy iron door. Each is triple locked. They are unique in that they can only be locked from the outside. I don't have the keys to these rooms. There is no record of these keys and none of the staff knows where they are. Nevertheless, I check every door. They are all locked. There is no way Tarr could be in one of these rooms. I move on to the entrance to Sub Level Four.

Getting into Sub Level Four is a secret process. Head Doctor revealed to us how to get into this level. This is the last level where Head Doctor has eyes and ears. Or so I think, though oftentimes I wonder what transpires in that elecronic brain - and beyond. How far can he truly see? Is this information he has kept hidden from us? Sometimes I think Head Doctor, who is primarily Tarr's creation, has evolved beyond the limits we tried to incorporate in him when he was created. He scares me sometimes. I usually just try to put him out of my mind. I hope he's not in my mind. This level is comprised of a series of what appear to be natural tunnels and caves, some quite spectacular. A strange glowing fungus graces many of the walls, though not all of them, thus keeping the area in a gloomy state. I consider getting out the lantern but decide that there is enough light for now. Save the lantern in case I come to a really dark area. I wave at one of the known pairs of Head Doctor Eyes. With an almost imperceptible whir, they move to focus directly on me. It would be the last I saw before entering the next level. Oh yes, did I mention the mushrooms start appearing on this level? I do know Tarr has mentioned the mushrooms. Tarr is fond of the mushrooms. I hoped to find him on this level. I did not find Tarr on that level. I found someone else: Eloise and Jacob. Here's how it happened.

I made my way through most of Sub Level Four. Nearing the area where the entrance to the next level resided, I rounded a corner and nearly collided with a woman and a man. They were both in their sixties - or so they appeared. I vaguely recollected they had been much older the last time we met. Anyway, they were in no way remarkable as judged by normal standards. Ah, appearances are such fickle criteria to use as a standard of judgement. Yet we are all susceptible to that most instant of appraisals, aren't we? At any rate, I knew them for what they were: one of the most horrifying homicidal couplings in history. Or so they thought. They did have several heinous deeds attributed to their past conduct, but that was nothing compared to today's standard fare. But that did not make them any the less dangerous. I activated The Shock-Knucks(tm) Dr. Tarr had invented as I smiled most cordially and gave a slight bow to the couple.

"Well, well, well, Martha," said Jacob, "I do believe I remember this fellow. Do you remember him, my dear?"

"Why yes I do, my sweet, I do," the woman said as she gently touched the man's arm. "Professor Fether is it not?"

"Good evening," I said. "I hope you are both feeling well this fine evening?"

They looked pleasantly surprised at my remarks. I have learned how to play this game. I've been through here a few times. Still, though, it is a very delicate game and one must pay strict attention to what is being said and what is being done. The Shock-Knucks(tm) are meant to be used as a last resort. I keep them hidden.

"What brings you to our neighborhood?" Jacob asked.

"I am only passing through," I replied. "I am on my way to pay tribute below."

They looked at each other and nodded knowingly. They looked back at me.

"We understand, Professor Fether," Eloise/Martha said. A glint flashed briefly in her eyes. "We aren't quite what you think we are. You amuse us. We recognise a kindred soul. That is your Grace."

I smiled. It's a cold smile, though. I can't help it. Dominance will out. I held up my left hand. The Shock-Knucks(tm) were quite apparent on my clenched fist.

"Yes," I said, "By your Grace."

Keeping my eye on them, I made my way to the entrance to the next level. I was not surprised to find another clue. One of Tarr's gloves. He would never knowingly leave one of his gloves. He cannot abide the touch of blood on his hands. My suspicions have been confirmed. Tarr ate some mushrooms. He is starting to shed his outter appearance. This will continue for some time as he surely has several more secreted about his person. I must find him soon. He is venturing into very dangerous areas.

Sub Level Five. This is where reality becomes much more ambiguous -- if that's possible. Time to rest, here at the entrance to Sub Level Five. I will need my wits from here on out.

SPIDER BABY. Wish I could settle back and watch a good movie. Not tonight. Tonight Socko and I take turns standing watch. Sub Level Five awaits.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

YOU MUST LISTEN!


Nurse Feratu here. Since both Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether are "absent" I have taken it upon myself to recommend music for you Inmates. You will listen to this music! It will...calm you. It will...make you scream for your mommies and daddies. But they won't come to your aid. You will eventually scream for NURSE FERATU! You will see that my ways are the ways of Enlightenment. The ways of Truth. The ways of Understanding and Compassion. YOU WILL GO TO THIS WEBSITE: http://www.dwightashley.com/. You will find comfort in these auditory compositions. YOU WILL ENJOY THEM!! You will see the WAY OF NURSE FERATU!!

Monday, January 15, 2007

UPDATE


Just thought I'd drop a note that we've updated the Psycho Cinema website. We've added several more stories to EDDIE'S PLACE. I hope to have the rest of THE MASTER'S material online by the end of the month. Of course, that's if I get back from my search for Dr. Tarr in time. I am due to begin my quest later today. I have put most of my affairs in order. Nurse Feratu has vowed to "hold down the fort." We'll see how that goes.
So. It's off to find the good Doctor Tarr.
Wish me luck.
[Where did I put my cain? I can't travel without my cain. And a lantern. I really should have a lantern. And a gun...but I don't have a gun. Scratch that. Umm, perhaps some rope. And a helmet. Well, and maybe one or two hats. One can never have too many hats. And a water bottle. And a bit of food. Just in case. And a compass. Oh yes, definitely a compass. Let me see, what else do I need to gather before my journey...]

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Where is Dr. Tarr?

Socko...er, Professor Fether here. Well, Tarr is missing again. Only this time he has vanished from the asylum and its grounds. There are ways to the outside, though. Ways only Tarr and I know. I've searched everywhere several times. He did go missing that time he was down in the area beneath the asylum. I have ventured into them for a short distance but have been reluctant to go any further. Tarr's accounts of his journey into that nether region were quite vivid. Something inside me, though, tells me he's not down there. This thing tells me he's Out There. I will head back down into the labyrinth below this place one more time to look for him. I will prepare myself for the journey. From all accounts I will be venturing into Hell itself. But I will make the effort for Dr. Tarr. I will make the effort...

Friday, January 12, 2007

FEED YOUR HEAD

Hoi, Fellow Inmates. Hey, it's Friday night. That usually means a new episode of PSYCHO CINEMA. But, due to the overwhelming reception ROCK AND ROLL EULOGY has received, we have decided to run it for another week. All you crazies out there in psycho land have really enjoyed this film by Zach Clark. So, for all of you who haven't had a chance to see it yet, check it out. And don't forget to listen to Zach's interview. Go to the Links and click THE FEED. Yum yum!

For those of you who've watched ROCK AND ROLL EULOGY and have listened to the interview, we've added a link to EL REPTILICO'S SONG PICK OF THE WEAK just to keep the insanity flowing! It's all happening in THE FEED. Adios until next week. And don't forget...

LET THE OPERATION BEGIN!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Swimming in the Stream

HOI, FELLOW INMATES! We've finally managed to get our act together (no comments!) and are now streaming the PSYCHO CINEMA WEB TV SHOW. Our first streaming episode is the very funny rock and roll "cautionary" film ROCK AND ROLL EULOGY, written and directed by newcomer Zach Clark. And the response has been fantastic - both for the streaming and the movie. So come on over to the website and check out ROCK AND ROLL EULOGY. You'll be glad you did! And while you're visiting THE FEED, be sure and check out the interview we did with Zach. It's also a sreaming (audio) file. And remember...

LET THE OPERATION BEGIN!!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


First of all, Tarr and I would like to wish all of you a very happy and prosperous NEW YEAR. We would also like to thank all of you for your continued support. 2007 is gonna be even bigger and better for us here at the Psycho Cinema Asylum. We've got lots of new things planned that we'll be unveiling throughout the coming year, so be sure and stick around. You won't be disappointed.
The first new item is going to be unveiled January 5. We are going to start streaming our show on that date as opposed to the way we're currently offering it. We feel streaming is a much better way to present our show since it is almost instantaneous. We're using the Real Player, so if you don't already have it you might want to go an download it so you can watch the show.
Our first episode to be streamed is a special treat as it is the World Premiere of an original movie called ROCK AND ROLL EULOGY. It was written and directed by Zach Clark, a talented young filmmaker who's gonna go far in the movie biz. We're also gonna run a phone interview we did with Zach to coincide with the airing of ROCK AND ROLL EULOGY. We'll let you know when they're ready for consumption via the S'NEWSLETTER.
We're also going to be adding several more Poe poems done as audio files and read by the most talented D.L. Holt. D.L. is also going to be reading a few stories, too, the first of which will be posted some time in early February. We've chosen THE BLACK CAT as the first Poe story to be offered as an audio file. I think yer gonna love it, too.
So there ya have it. Exciting times happenin' around the ol' Asylum. Stick with us. I'm sure you'll get a kick out of PSYCHO CINEMA 2007!
So, in the meat time...

LET THE OPERATION BEGIN!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Web TV-Episode 3

Yes, Matilda, we're currently showing our 3rd episode PHANTOM FROM 10,000 LEAGUES. This movie is so bad we just had to pack it with tons of "interjections" that only the madness that is Tarr and Fether could conjure. Not only that, we also have thrown in several breaks that are sure to tickle yer spleen. So cruise on over to THE FEED and download the podcast of our latest episode. We've broken it up into three parts for your downloading and viewing convenience. ENJOY, fellow Inmates.
You can also purchase this episode and our latest DVD, SPIDER BABY, in the Gift Shop, located on our website. They're each only $10.00, shipping and handling included. Cruise on over and pick up yer copies today! And remember




LET THE OPERATION BEGIN!!

Monday, October 23, 2006

It's About Time!


Professor Fether here. Okay, okay, we're back. Hey, what can I say? We went to the Cinema Wasteland. It lived up to its name. We headed home. It was foggy. Oh silly us. The fog was really only in our heads. When it cleared we found ourselves in Nome, Alaska. Or was that in Alaska with a gnome. It's all such a blur.
Anyway, we had one helluva time at the CW. Reconnected with some good friends and made many new ones. We were especially honored and pleased to meet one of our newest friends and a wonderful person who flew up from Georgia just to meet the good doctor and me. We had a wonderful time Friday night talking and laughing and tallking to a group of German business people who were staying at the hotel (they were drunk and had no clue about "horror hosts - but they were a very nice bunch of people). Tarr and I would also like to thank Maria for the wonderful gift she gave us. It sits proudly next to all our other treasured books about movies.
So, you should probably check out the website when you get a chance. We've updated several sections. As you can see from the poster, we are also now showing BRIDE OF THE MONSTER as our latest episode. I know it's a bit late, but hey, remember we were in Alaska and trying to find our way back. And everyone knows they don't have the internet in Alaska. Well, okay, they do, but we couldn't access it because we couldn't speak Inuit.
Okay, enough rambling. Go watch the movie. Cruise the site. Come back often. You know you wanna!

Professor Fether

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Back from the Crypt

Hey, fellow inmates, Professor Fether here. Sorry we've been so silent here, but Dr. Tarr and I have been very busy deep within the bowels of the Asylum preparing our latest 2 DVDs and getting ready for the upcoming Cinema Wasteland Convention, which is this coming weekend.

Let me tell ya, the newest DVDs are gonna knock yer socks off. First off, we have PHANTOM FROM 10,000 LEAGUES, a real stinker from 1956. It's so bad we just had to interject ourselves quite liberally throughout the movie in an effort to make it worth watching. And I think we did a bang-up job, too. You'll have to either order a copy from our website or wait until it's available on our Web TV show. Our other newest release is the cult classic SPIDER BABY, starring Lon Chaney Jr. This is one of our favorite movies. As a consequence, we didn't mess with the movie. We did add a couple of breaks, but we kept everything down to a minimum since this is such a good movie. We know you're gonna enjoy it as much as we do.

Speaking of the Psycho Cinema Web TV Show, we have finally launched it. You can now download a podcast of our first episode, KILLERS FROM SPACE. Check it out. Just hit the link to the right, nav to THE FEED and follow the instructions. In the coming weeks we will also be offering a streaming version of the movies as well as a podcast, so check back often to see what's new. Oh, and KILLERS FROM SPACE will be up for a couple of weeks since we're going to the CW and won't have the time to put up a new episode. But look for episode 2, BRIDE OF THE MONSTER, airing October 10. And be sure and check back often. We have some really special treats for all you loonies coming up in the near future, not to mention many updates, interviews and just general good stuff from the Cinema Wasteland.

Okay, time to get back to work. We still have lots of preparation for the upcoming CW. And we're very excited about this show. It's always one of our favorite shows to attend because it has great guests and lots and lots of HORROR HOSTS. If ya get a chance, stop on by and say howdy to the good doctor and myself.

In the meat time...

LET THE OPERATION BEGIN!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Pluto Forever!

Hey, screw the scientific community!! Pluto will always be a planet in our astronomy book. (Ain't that right, Charon?)

PLUTO FOREVER!!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Friday Night at the Movies


Hola, all you loonie tunes out there. Professor Fether here. Tarr and I have had a couple of long and grueling -- not to mention downright traumatic -- days, so we're ready to sit back, get all natural-like, put the cooler between us, put the popcorn on the table and watch tonight's movie -- SWAMP WOMEN.

But before we talk about the movie, I have to tell you all I saw the video tapes of our "adventure" searching for the Reffitt Swamp Monster. All I can say is I don't feel responsible for anything that went on during that weekend. I see the evidence before my eyes but I have a hard time believing it really happened. It is truly all a blur to me...if, indeed, it did happen. You'll see what I mean when the tape airs in an upcoming episode.

So, this is one reason I'm ready to sit back and watch SWAMP WOMEN. This gem was made in 1955 and has the singular distinction of being Roger Corman's directorial debut. Shot in black and white. Stars Beverly Garland, Carole Mathews and Touch Conners. Yeah, Touch Connors. He later became known as Mike Conners. Heh heh. Mikey was born with an Armenian name. Something that sounds lots cooler than "Mike." Or "Touch." Well, okay, I do like Touch. Touch Fether. Hey, I like that! Mayb I'll change my name from Damien to Touch. Well, I'll have to think about that. It would ruin my initials. I like PDF. Has a certain ring to it. SWAMP WOMEN was written by David Stern. He wrote all those Francis the Talking Mule movies in the early to mid 1950s. He also wrote the novel to the first one. Hmm. A Francis the Talking Mule movie night wouldn't be too bad. Something to consider. This movie has some of the greatest taglines I've ever read:

Flaming passions against a background of weird adventure!
Scarlet Women Out to Get Every Thrill They Could Steal!
Branded Women! Notorious Women! Scarlet Women! Which is Deadlier?


With taglines like that, ya just gotta love the flick! Hmm, I wonder which is deadlier?

Oh yeah, check out the website. Lots has been added and updated. Start with the S'Newsletter and take it from there.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Everything That You Do


Professor Fether here. Well, Tarr still won't say anything about our trip in search of the Reffitt Swamp Monster. My nightmares are gruesome. Are they glimpses into the past? Or are they just figments of my imagination. Hard to say at this point. Tarr did give me this picture. He said it was taken at Uncle Ray's. I don't remember it. Oh well, It's not the first time and won't be the last. Heh heh! I'll keep badgering Tarr, though. He'll crack one of these days. Much like Inmate 23. There was a tough one. Tarr's love of Experimentation (see the new entry in the Medical Records section of our website) produced some interesting results with that subject. Anyway, Tarr has mentioned taped footage of our adventure. He says Uncle Ray sent it to him. He refuses to show it to me, though. He has it hidden.

Speaking of the website, we've updated a few things.
The aforementioned Medical Records section, Dr. Tarr's records. Get to know the "real" Dr. Tarr.
The S'Newsletter has been updated. There's a new entry by Dr. Z. He reviews the movie NECRONOMICON with his usual critical eye.
Eddie's Place is open...partially. The Poems section is open even though still under construction. We've got all the poems up. Three of them are even audio files for your listening pleasure. They were read by a very good friend of ours, D.L. Holt. Let us know what you think of 'em. We're in the process of producing more. We would like to eventually have all of them as audio files.

Back to the Reffitt Swamp Monster. To get the whole truth about our trip you'll have to wait for the webisode. Tarr says he'll reveal the chronicle of our journey then. That's really funny, though, because I don't remember seeing any cameras around. Oh yeah. I don't remember anything else either. Go figure! It will be out the first week in October. Hey, that coincides with our favorite Horror Convention CINEMA WASTELAND. What a good place to reveal our adventure. That Dr. Tarr can be quite...alert at times.

Last, our new DVD is due to be launched the first of September. It's gonna knock yer socks off. Look for a trailer coming soon!

And, and really, there is gonna be a Psycho Cinema Web TV Show. And it's gonna be cool! It's gonna rock yer...did I say that already? Well, it's true. It's true. What is truth? Or should that be TRUTH?....

Dr. Tarr here. I had to give Fether his evening shot. Heh heh! I do love my job. And since it's Friday night that means it's MOVIE NIGHT. And that means I get to pick the movie. Fether is certainly in no position to proffer an opinion. Heh heh! Hmm. I think I'll choose...

A double feature! Oh yeah! THE KILLER SHREWS. Made in 1959. Yeah, another '59er, eh? Heh heh! This one stars James Best. Yeah, the guy who was on that old TV show THE DUKES OF HAZZARD. Here's the official blurb: On an isolated island, a small group of people is terrorised by giant, voracious shrews in the midst of a hurricane. Sounds good. WRONG! This one's a real smeller, like a liver that's been left out too long. It's gonna be fun! Whattaya think, Prof? Prof? Heh heh. He's drooling...he must like this movie too. And then we're gonna watch I BURY THE LIVING. Made in 1958. Stars Richard Boone. It'll put us to sleep. We're set for the night!

Oh, and as for the Hunt for the Reffit Swamp Monster (or the Reffitt Road Swamp Monster as i like to call it), I'll let you in on a little secret. I really don't know much of what happened either. I guess we'll all have to wait to see the webisode, won't we? Heh heh. Well, okay, I do remember Missy and lots of blood and the monster and more blood...but that's about it. Uncle Ray sure pulled a number on us. Good one, Uncle Ray!

Oop, here comes the movie. No more talking...until the movie starts. Heh heh heh!!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Hunt for the Reffitt Swamp Monster - Part 3

Professor Fether here. What day is it? Sunday...SUNDAY? I've lost a whole week! Let me go back a bit. Back to right after the last post, the audio post. Here's what happened....

I re-entered Uncle Ray's house. Ray and Tarr were seated in Ray's "Recreation Room." (I'll post a picture of that in a future blog. The room is a story unto itself.) Uncle Ray handed me a small opaque glass filled with a dark, viscous liquid.

"Drink this," he said, holding the glass in front of him. I took it.

"What's in it?" I asked.

"Don't ask," Tarr said as he scrunched up his nose. "It doesn't taste bad, though. Actually quite good. I feel good. Just after one drink. I feel good. Do you remember how Jack Burton felt in "Big Trouble in Little China" after he took the elixer? Heh heh!"

I took the brew and quickly downed it. I opened my eyes. Hmm. It did indeed taste good. It had an earthy taste with a hint of sweetness. Very refreshing.

"So, what's it supposed to do, Uncle Ray?" I asked.

Uncle Ray grinned. It was very maniacal. I was impressed.

"Oh, it's a little potion's bin in mah fambly fer lottsa yers," he said between chuckles and snorts. "It ain't nothin' more'n a bitsy brew to help us through the comin' times. It ain't gonna harm ya none. Trust me!" He clucked like a chicken. This immediately ingratiated him to me. I did notice Tarr shrink back and curl his lip at that. We all know how Tarr feels about chickens.

We gathered our equipment. I was indeed starting to feel very good. A bit dizzy but I've been there before, so it was no big thing. Tarr had the camera. Click click. I had the binoculars. (I was going to see the Reffitt Swamp up close and personal. The way I felt I would probably be able to smell the creature.) Uncle Ray had his shotgun. Bang bang.

We exited Uncle Rays' abode. I was in the lead. I was rarin' to go, as Uncle Ray would say.

"Swamy, here we come!" I practically shouted. Or I think I did. Even though everything seemed to be bright and vibrant and alive, it was also blurry and lacking in detail. I vaguely remember thinking, "That brew of Ray's is messin' with my brain." About that time I forgot what I thinking about just as we emerged into the sunlight.

Standing there, almost blocking the path, was a lovely young woman, a stranger to Tarr and me. Uncle Ray introduced her to us as his "special friend Missy." He said she liked flowers a whole lot. He suggested Missy go out into the woods to find some pretty flowers. Missy, who seemed a few kernals shy of a whole ear of corn, trotted off -- yes, she trotted -- to change her clothes.

About this time things get even more fuzzy. I tried to speak but could only laugh. Tarr and Uncle Ray were also laughing so I figured everything must be okay if we're all laughing.



We traveled for quite some time. I remember small lakes, cattails, rushes, croaking frogs. And the Reffitt Swamp Monster. Tarr even managed to get a few pictures of him. None are very good. I suspect he took them with his bad eye. The potion we had so rashly imbibed no doubt made him think his bad eye was now even better than his good one since it stuck out farther.

I remember lots of trees. And glimpses of the monster. And dizziness....and...I can't remember any more. At some point in the woods everything became part of a strange dream. Perhaps more will be revealed -- some day...

We did accomplish our goal. We found the Reffitt Swamp Monster. And we did get a few pictures of it, although they aren't of the highest quality. There was something, though, something disturbing, even for me, that happened. I wish I could remember what it was. I have asked Tarr about the whole affair. He refuses to say anything. He does laugh to himself a lot. I suspect he knows something, or remembers something, that I don't. Perhaps he'll share his thoughts with me on this subject some day.

This is a very tired Professor Fether signing off. Time to get some sleep.

Pleasant dreams, Fellow Inmates. Pleasant dreams. Mine certainly aren't these days...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Hunt for the Reffitt Swamp Monster-Part 1

Well, Fellow Inmates, the trip of the summer is almost upon us. Yes, I'm talking about our expedition to the wilds of central Ohio where we are going to look for the Reffitt Swamp monster. Our guide is none other than Uncle Ray. Ray has had the pleasure of seeing the Reffitt Swamp Monster a number of times. He assures us he can lead us to it so we can get it on film -- something that has never happened. It's a very elusive creature.

We are leaving tomorrow afternoon and hope to arrive at Uncle Ray's around 5:00pm. He has promised to show us a good time while in his neck of the woods. Which is not too far from Mt. Vernon, Ohio. We're wondering exactly what he means by "a good time." Uncle Ray, you see, is quite insane. Well, yes, we know what you're thinking. Who else would Tarr and Fether hang out with but others who are as crazy as they are. Oh, wait a minute, we're not really crazy. That was a...a joke. Yeah, that was a joke. Actually Uncle Ray is a bone fide Big Game tracker. Yeah. Retired now. And living in the wilds of central Ohio. Well, okay, that does sound a bit far fetched, doesn't it? Well, every word of it is true, my friends. Every word.

Anyway, I'm going keep up this blog while on the trip. So stay tuned. . . and stay sick! (Ah, just had to pay that bit of a tribute to the one and only Ghoulardi...)

P. Fether

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Syd Barrett - The Passing of a Legend


A sad note today as I learned that Roger Keith "Syd" Barrett, the co-founder of one of the best and most influential rock groups ever, Pink Floyd, has died at age 60. Syd was one of the most influential guitarists/composers to grace the rock and roll world. His style and vision were truly unique and inspired a whole genre of music known as Electronic or Space music. He co-founded Pink Floyd with Roger Waters in the early sixties and wrote 10 of the 11 songs on their first album. His erratic behavior, caused by a history of mental problems exascerbated by psychelic drugs (especially LSD) let to his eventual mental disintegration. The band was forced to replace him with David Gilmour, who went on to become another seminal rock legend and major influence on the world of rock and roll. Syd spent most of his time after being removed from the band in mental institutions, and, eventually, living the life of a recluse at his mother's home where he continued to write, compose and paint huge abstract paintings.

My personal favorite Pink Floyd songs by Syd are "Interstellar Overdrive", "Careful With That Axe, Eugene" and "Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun." My all-time favorite Pink Floyd song "Astronomy Domine" was written by Syd Barrett.

Syd may be gone but his music will play on forever.

Professor Fether

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Movie for the 4th


In celebration of the birthday of the good ol' U.S. of A., Tarr and I are going to watch THE GIANT GILA MONSTER. This movie was made in 1959 and shot in black and white. It was written and directed by Ray Kellogg, who also did THE KILLER SHREWS (aka ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHREWS) in that same year. What a work horse! Heh heh! Hey, he also was a second unit director on lots of movies, including BATMAN: THE MOVE in 1966. This is one of our favorite bad movies, so this guy knew what he was doin'! This movie stars Don Sullivan (also did TEENAGE ZOMBIES - 1959, THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS - 1959, and CURSE OF THE UNDEAD - 1959), and a bunch of other actors who never amounted to much in the fickle world of B movies.

Tagline - Only Hell could breed such an enormous beast. Only God could destroy it!

So, this movie's about a giant lizard that runs rampant in a rural Texas community. There's lots of teen angst, hot rods, wire-frame bras and rock and roll to keep things movin' when the giant lizard isn't on the screen.

We're gonna watch this movie as presented by our very good friends THE BONE JANGLER and NOCTURNA. They are horror hosts Supreme who manage to make even this stinkbomb enjoyable.

Happy 4th to all our Fellow Inmates.

Oh, so why this movie on the 4th? Well, um, because it's hot on the 4th, and, um, it's hot in Texas. Hey, that's as good a reason as any.

LET THE OPERATION BEGIN!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Monkey Brain Fusion Twist


….The custard leaked out from my sock, but I painted two babies green and talked like I was on a walkie-talkie. Airplanes and squirrels were there. I said don’t tell them but Mussolini poked his eyeballs out with Fether’s elbows.
Note to myself. Never ever stop and eat those little purple or green mushrooms when down here. Dr. Tarr